My Sister Cleans Houses For Booze

She does. It's true. If you give her a case of beer and a filthy apartment, and then come back 6 hours later-VOILA! You'll never see it sparkle like that again!

That's just one of the reasons my family is so unique. Another is that my Mom knows more about the ancient rituals of the Masonic Temples than most history professors do. Hmmm....I never really questioned why...

I saw Star Wars 3 over the weekend. Yeah-I felt guilty for not seeing it in theatres with every other friendless waste-of-pimple-cream, so I finally rented it. And I gotta tell you-I was pleased. Not because of the action, or the fact that you finally see Darth Vader come into his own as an evil ruler; but because Jar Jar Binks said maybe one "Me-sa" and that was IT. Nice. The last two movies and Jar Jar's participation in them made me pray for sweet death. Not for me, but for George Lucas.

I haven't prayed for the death of a filmmaker since James Cameron, and that was for unleashing "Titanic" on an unsuspecting populus. You rat bastard-the movie was bad enough without your approaching Celine Dion and asking her to open her Canadian maw and spew some drivel into our airwaves about her love going on and on. Didn't she marry her 56 year old manager when she was like, 12 years old? Fantastic.

Ryan Conner should be going onstage at SoHo tonight. You should catch him, because he's amazing. He doesn't really get nervous.