Odd Requests

So I just dropped my spare set of keys off with a friend who lives in my neighborhood in Queens. My reason for doing so? I need him to water my Christmas Tree while I'm in DC this weekend.

Yeah, no, I seriously asked a friend to go out of his way and stop by my apt on a Saturday afternoon so that he can water my tree. He seemed a little baffled by the request, asking when I was leaving and when I'd be back. When I made it clear that I would just be gone for the weekend, he blinked a couple of times and said, "Really? Two days? And you need me to water your tree?"

Listen - I love my tree. I know it seems like a singularly absurd request, but what if no one watered it and it died? What if it died?!?! And I came home to a heart-wrenching mess of dead needles and pieces of my shattered Spongebob Squarepants ornaments who weren't properly supported by thick, healthy branches?! What then?!? I rest my case. Plus I offered him some of the cold pizza in my fridge for doing me this favor. I could tell he was intrigued, especially after telling him it was pepperoni. That's A-1 leftover pizza. Suck it, mushroom.

Why am I going to DC this weekend? You know. POONANZA 6!!! The show may already be sold out for 8pm, and as I said before we might be adding a second show at 10:30pm, but no guarantees. So if you still wanna go - but have been resting on your laurels like a Frenchman - call the DC Improv now at (202) 296-7008 and get tickets! Or go to the website! It's http://www.dcimprov.com/! Wooo!

Also - I'll be back at Gotham Comedy Club here in NYC on Tuesday January 13th. More details on that later.

A couple of weeks ago, I was wandering around Midtown with a friend of mine. (Great story! Wait, it gets better!) Around the Madison Square Garden area, there is a massive billboard advertising Bill O'Reilly's show. The billboard has his requisite smug face glaring out at all manner of tourists and hobos; but it also has rankings. The O'Reilly Factor, according to the all-knowing billboard, is the 2nd highest rated cable TV show. Wow! That's pretty good, right? The billboard even had the good sense to list the 1st and 3rd shows, so as to quell any curiosity about the O'Reilly Factor's strongest competition. The rankings are as follows:

1) NFL Football

2.) The O'Reilly Factor

3.) Spongebob Squarepants

Oh man, did that tickle me. NFL Football? OK. Duh. But Spongebob? I find it hilarious that they even listed that on the billboard. Shouldn't Bill & Co. be a little embarassed that they're probably only a few hundred thousand viewers away from being less relevant than a sponge who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Also Squidward.