Drunken Burlesque Girls Are HILARIOUS!!!

So my friend Katy and I went to a comedy show in the East Village on Thursday night. It was an interesting show, to say the least-and she kept reminding me that it was, what was the word she used? I forget. Something along the lines of "experimental" comedy. Or "absurd" comedy. Well, whatever it was-I've certainly never seen a show where a man mixes drinks full of sausages onstage. Kudos, New York-you've opened my eyes.

But the real party started after the show. The club that the comedy was in, was to be followed by a burlesque show. An actual burlesque show. Wow. So Katy and I got our things together and headed outside. We were standing by the entrance for a while talking to a couple comics, when this one girl who was heading into the club with her suitcase full of booby tassles stopped and quite earnestly forced her way into the conversation. It went something like this:

Katy: I know-he is kind of good-looking. But he's just not that funny...

Drunk Bitch: (To myself and Katy) LADIES!!! Are you....are you ladies on the show tonight?

Me: Ummm....do we look like we're on the show?

Drunk Bitch: Well, you've got ta-tas, don't you? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm sorry, that was crazy of me! But you know who is good-looking?? My boyfriend.

Katy: That's GREAT for you. (She tries to turn away)

Drunk Bitch: He is! He's a DREAMBOAT! But he's kind of a loser. Oh my GOD! I don't even mean that! But he is. He is. HE IS! I'm sorry.........I should call him.......this guy here kind of looks like him.....HEY! Get back here!

Me: Well, it's getting kind of late....and seeing as how you're kind of terrifying...

Drunk Bitch: I have a tattoo of a butterfly!

(Silence)

Drunk Bitch: Have you guys ever seen a butterfly?

(Silence)

Drunk Bitch: Well I LOVE butterflies. Butterflies and dolphins. I think my next tattoo will be a dolphin. I have to go now! Go onstaaaaaaaage! That's what I do! But we should get together, OK? We'll go to dinner. Or I'll cook dinner! Yeah! Call me!!!

Then she blew us all kisses and stumbled inside. Everything in me was telling me to go in and watch her vomit on herself during a dance to "Lady Marmalade", but it was late. And I had to get home.

Newsflash: This weekend I'll be back in DC from Friday night to Sunday afternoon. For revelry and cock-fights. And bowling.

Oh, and finally-I must reference the two words that brought me the most joy at the aforementioned comedy show: punctured starfish.

Oh man, that's good.