Comedian Erin Conroy: "I'm a Ho-Fessional"

Comedian Erin Conroy

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

"I'm a Ho-Fessional"

Ahahahahaha. That is a quote from a high-priced call girl. There has been a lot of fascination with ladies in this profession for the past few days in light of the Spitzer mess. I don't even know who said "I'm a Ho-Fessional" - whether it was somebody aligned with the Emperor's Club or just some random pay-for-play chick; but that's f*&%ing hilarious. Ho-fessional. If you've got yourself a prostitute who can produce sparkling wordplay like that, then she's worth $4,000.

And now, on a serious note, I'd like to have a moment of silence for Eenie Kubasiewicz. The cat that apparently was at my sister and brother-in-law's house for a mere 14 weeks before it passed away. Eenie was (allegedly) a beloved member of the family (it would seem), and now it's ashes rest peacefully, forever more, in a shoebox on top of a bookcase.

(Editor's Note: I'm referring to Eenie as "it" because I don't know if it was a girl or a boy cat. Furthermore - I don't care.)

For those of you reading this blog who don't know - my brother-in-law Paul is a modern day St. Francis. He works at a pet store in addition to his 9-5 job, is almost constantly fostering at least 10 animals at a time, and he breeds chinchillas. Yeah - chinchillas:

Paul has an impressive number of these half-rats at his house, and he's even taken them to chinchilla shows. And he comes back with ribbons! (Call me a liar - it's the God's Honest truth)

At one point the chinchilla count was over 160, I believe. But Paul also has 3 dogs, some fish tanks, any number of cats/kittens at one time, and is there a bird? There might be a bird. Every time I go back to Buffalo to visit I'm treated to an allergic reaction and a deep wound, courtesy of a beast from his menagerie.

But he's passionate about caring for animals, and is very devoted to each of his own, as Eenie's place of honor proves. Do you know what he's not passionate about? Providing his very wonderful sister-in-law with an army of chinchillas battle-ready and trained to do her bidding. I don't know how many times I have to explain to him that I won't be using my unholy chinchilla army to hurt anyone - but instead to distract the eye while I liberate a few items from the shelves at Spencer's Gifts.

Because come on - seriously. I'm not going to pay for the "Insulting Parrot" or the "No Tear Toilet Paper". But I am going to use them.


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