Comedian Erin Conroy: Keep It To Yourself, Lady

Comedian Erin Conroy

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Keep It To Yourself, Lady

I was downstairs in my building at work getting a cup of coffee this afternoon (yeah, yeah - go on! great story so far!) and I overheard the woman behind me talking to her friend. Well, overheard isn't exactly accurate - she was so loud and so close to me, I may as well have been in the conversation.

And she's telling her friend that she got dumped via text message. Good God, that sucks. Total dick move on the guy's part. But then she proceeds to read the text out loud, because privacy be damned! It went something like this:

"I just need you to understand that where I am right now, in my life, I just can't do this anymore. And I know that I'll be crying myself to sleep every night thinking about how I lost you, my angel. But I have to move on - and I have to move on without you."

Not only is that absurdly dramatic (and I assume littered with unnecessary punctuation marks and capitalization), but it was also hilarious. Not because she got dumped - that's terrible, I'm sure she's great, blah blah - but because she must have read it three times, each time getting louder, and her Staten Island accent getting thicker, and her friend inching further away from her. For the guy's sake, I hope he's moving on with his life in another country, because if this girl ever finds him, he's a dead man.


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