Don't Hump That Hound!!

I know that I am constantly telling you what to watch. I know you are probably sick of checking for hilarious blog updates, only to find I am telling you your television business. AGAIN. But I think we also know that I know what's best for you. I know what shows are going to make you the happiest, considering your hectic schedule. And hey-I'm also the one who wrote you that letter of recommendation, and helped you get out of your Army contract. So you know what? Eat me.

Anyhoo-"I Love NY", Monday nights on VH1. Watch it, TiVo it, do whatever you have to-it's AMAZING. If you watched "The Flavor of Love" series, you know who New York is. She's the crazy "over-dramatical" woman vying for Flav's love. For 2 seasons. But he didn't pick her, either season, and now she's got her own show and she's looking for her own love. And my God, where the producers found these guys I can't say, but I have to assume it's a place that looks and smells a lot like heaven. Grown-ass men crying about tiny dogs, expressing their devotion through freestyle rap, and wearing banana hammocks.

I know. It's incredible.

On a completely different note, the following is a word-for-word transcript of a letter that we received here at my job today; and no, I'm serious, it's an actual letter we got:

"Dear Sirs,

My maternal grandmother emigrated to this country seventy years ago and her life is an Irish American success story. After several years working as a domestic on a New England estate she met her husband, also an Irish immigrant, and enjoyed a life of considerable prosperity and happiness. She and her late husband owned a home and begat two wonderful daughters, the eldest of whom is my mother.

While we have enjoyed her immensely, I'm afraid- the family's consensus is that she must be returned to Ireland within the next year. She is a sweet and wonderful woman, but we can no longer stomach her mawkish poetry, songs and country folk tales: most of which involve her encounters with ill tempered Co. Cavan livestock. She has become quite a nuisance.

I would be greatly obliged if you could forward me the appropriate paperwork for repatriation."

Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Apparently I'm doing a show in CT tomorrow night. Do you live in Westport? Come to the show! It's somewhere, and it starts at 8:30pm, and that's all I know. I'm doing the show with Ryan Conner, and he probably has more info on his website.

Bye.