Comedian Erin Conroy: Country Road

Comedian Erin Conroy

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Country Road

Hey everyone! Do you know how long it's been since I went back to DC for a visit? The last time was August of last year. AUGUST. That's ridiculous.

That's why I think it's high time I saddle up the Chinatown Bus and hit the road. So I'm gonna be in DC this weekend. Short and sweet, from Friday night to Sunday night, but I'm sure I can get plenty of drinking done. Also, it'll be nice to see my friends. Who wants to go out?

On a much more disturbing note-Valentine's Day is a week away. Sweet Jesus, the papier mache hearts and talking stuffed tigers are already in full effect. This holiday is even worse than Groundhog Day.

And no, I'm not just being bitter because I'm single. Ask any of my exes; I might hate Valentine's Day even more when I'm dating someone. There's just so much pressure to have the perfect night and get the perfect gift and to act perfectly complacent in your foundering relationship. And so you spend too much money on a shitty meal in an over-priced restaurant, exchange your standard gifts of chocolate and cologne, and finish the evening off with a romantic walk around the lake and a hot and sweaty argument about whether or not phone sex with someone else is really cheating when you thought it was him on the other line and never dreamed it would be his 11-year old brother and how of course you'd help pay for little Toby's subsequent therapy but unfortunately you're all tapped out because you spent all your extra money on official NFL Green Bay Packers boxer shorts and the complete "Walker, Texas Ranger" box set and what kind of man still idolizes Chuck Norris anyway?!?!?!?!

But I digress. What I'm trying to say, is stay away from those horrific tiny hearts with the messages on them. They taste like shit, and do you really want to tell someone you think they're "2 Good 2 B True" on what is essentially a heart-shaped piece of plaster? No. No, you really don't.


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