Comedian Erin Conroy: I Caved and Re-Joined Netflix

Comedian Erin Conroy

Thursday, July 10, 2008

I Caved and Re-Joined Netflix

And I have over 50 DVDs in my queue. But only 8 of them are movies. The rest of the DVDs are TV shows. I have ordered the following series in their entirety:

- Freaks and Geeks

- The Wire

- Oz

But not "Grey's Anatomy". NEVER "Grey's Anatomy".

So I've had a crazy week or two. Birthday congratulations going out to:

My sister Shannon!!!!!! She turned 30 Monday! Yay!!!!

My friend Brad!!!!! He turned 30 Sunday! Also Yay!!!

They're old.

I went to Shea Stadium last night for the first time ever. Now I've gotten to see both Shea and Yankee stadiums, and now they can knock 'em down. I walked away with the same impression of both stadiums. And it was something like, "Hey, man. $8 for a beer?!?! A BEER?!?! How do do you even charge that much? No no no - I'll pay it. I'll pay it cuz I need it. But it's important to me that you know how un-pleased I am. Gimme. Giiiiiiiiiimme. Thank you. Here's a $20, and......wait a minute! $8 for a beer?!?! A BEER?!?!?!....." etc etc.

I thought people were kidding when they said people tried to pick up dates at the gym. But seeing as how I had never set foot in a gym until 2 months ago, I had no opportunities to disprove such an absurd theory.

But now that I've been going to the gym, I see that it's true. And I think it's ridiculous. I've actually seen some roided-out freak amble awkwardly up to a chick who's on the treadmill and start to "woo" her. Telling her he could benchpress her or something. Which would be extremely enjoyable if I wasn't trying so hard not to laugh two machines over, for fear of losing my rhythm on the elliptical and once again getting tangled up in it like a cartoon character in a sewing machine. (I'm graceful.)

I was back home in Buffalo for the 4th of July weekend. This is what I learned: I have become "that older person" around kids. I'm the one that goes out of my way to discipline children I find too unruly for my liking. And I talk to kids who are 6 and have ADD like they're adults. "Why? Why would you hit me? Especially when you were holding a sparkler? That's not OK. And I'll tell you why; do you want to get a job someday? A good job? Well, no one's gonna hire you if you're running around like a lunatic hitting people in the eye with sparklers. Oh, you wanna be a fireman? Fat chance. No - you'll neeeeeever be a fireman. Never. No way. Because you're a little pyro, and firemen can't be pyros. Ha! Why are you crying? They don't hire crybaby firemaaaaaan!" (To someone next to me) "Where's he going? Ah, as long as it's away from me."

Aaaaaaand SCENE.


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