"I Hope You Die Before Me"

That's my favorite quote of the week right there. Taken out of context, it may seem terrible. But then you find out that I was describing the wondrous goings-ons that would take place at my funeral, and my friend Ryan said, "I hope you die before me" so earnestly, that it was funny.

No but seriously - my funeral is gonna be bitchin'.

I've got a show coming up on July* 22 at Gotham Comedy Club. That's a Tuesday night, for those of you who hate calendars. The show is at 8pm. Sno-cones for everyone who comes to see me immediately after. (Sno-cones made of imagination)

The new building I moved into in Queens has an eclectic mix of people who are simultaneously really rude and really polite. I have been asked no less than 6 times "what I'm doing in the building", but it's usually followed up with "Welcome!", "I hope your new home is nice" and "You will take my children, no?"

No.


*Thanks, Townley. Smartass.