Snakes on a Plane

OK, I have to begin this post by acknowledging and thanking a great human being. Ms. Alicia Gomes, ladies and gentlemen.

Alicia is a comic here in NYC, but I know her from the DC scene. I heard about Alicia for about 17 years before I ever actually met her. She's funny as hell, and a big fan of alcohol. So I think we'll be friends forever. Also, she can jump rope for 58 hours straight. Gomes for President in 2012!!!! (We'll bypass the '08 election so she has time to raise some campaign money and "take care of" all those people that know what she did last summer)

Anyhoo, the real reason I am loving Alicia these days, is she introduced me to something glorious. This glorious thing is a movie that will be coming out on August 18th of this year. A movie of epic proportions, that will address issues of severe social consequence, and make every single human being on the planet stop and re-evaluate what fate and love really mean to them. Whether the world is ready or not, this film is coming:

Snakes on a Plane

No wait, did you get that? I'm not sure that the full effect has hit you yet:

Snakes on a Plane

Oh yeah. There it is. You just soiled yourself.

This movie is about snakes that are on a plane. And some marketing impresario decided, "Why take the subtle route? Why not just tell the people EXACTLY what they're in for? There will be snakes, they will be on a plane.....voila! Snakes on a Plane!"

I love it. I love it, love it, love it. What could make this better? Three words: Samuel L. Jackson. Yessssssssssssssss. Samuel L. has decided to take a break from doing light-hearted comedies (Freedomland) and stuffy period pieces (The Man) to get back to kickass, in-your-face, and believable action movies.

The plot is as follows: who gives a shit? There are snakes on a m***** f****** plane. And you know Samuel L. ain't tryin' to have no snake-ass sumbitches on his plane. Oh hellll no. I forsee a lot of clever snake-related quips:

"Listen here, sucka-I'm gonna make you hissssssstory!"

"Black mamba?!?! Well I'm the black MASTER!"

"Putting me on this plane was a big misSNAKE."

For a while, there was some assanine talk about changing the title of the movie to "Flight 121", or something equally lame. But the outcry was deafening, and "Snakes on a Plane" won out as the official title. I mean, "Flight 121"?! How am I supposed to know what to expect? Does the flight crash? Is it a fairly smooth flight with minor turbulence and an excess of peanuts vs pretzels? Is there anything of interest on this flight 121? What is the draw? No. No, it has to be snakes on a plane. For the good of the nation.

Not excited enough yet? Check out the official website. Can you feel how intense this movie is?

Also check out this guy's blog entry devoted to Snakes on a Plane. It's hilarious.

Haven't had enough? Want to know what you can get for the girl/guy who has everything? Look no further, my dears. Christmas come early!!

"Snakes on a muthafuckin plane". Genius. Brilliant. The only thing I am living for right now.

That's it. That's all this post is going to be about. Just Snakes on a Plane. Because when you think about it-what else is there? Aren't we all just running from the snakes on our own personal planes?

We are. And mine's a Cottonmouth.