Ghetto-Ass Mojitos

My good friend Melissa called me the other night to tell me she had found a use for the mint plants that are growing in front of her Capitol Hill home: she made "ghetto-ass mojitos" with them. She is ingenious.

This got me wondering what kind of sophisticated drink I could make from the objects laying around in the front yard of my apartment in Brooklyn. After a little scavenging, I had the following ingredients:

-A tire iron
-A plastic fork
-Some kid's report card (Excellent in English-struggling in gym)
-A squished ice cream sandwich
-Many, many mosquitos
-A bike

So needless to say, the drink idea was all but abandoned. But I got $45 for the bike.

My birthday is coming up. What are you gonna get me?