I'm On My Sixth Cup Of Coffee

And instead of standing there judging my caffeine-dependency, why don't you scoot your sweet ass down to the kitchen and make me another cup? Hmmm? I take it with two sugars, milk, and no back-talk. Thanks.

Things have been going on and happening. I had a show at StandUp NY last week that I dragged a few indescribably devoted friends to. My set went well, a new joke went better than expected, and overall the show was really fun. One of the best line-ups talent-wise that I've done in a while. Besides the tour I did with Gallagher 2 and Jeff Dunham, of course.

I despise puppets.

Anyhoo, I may be in DC next weekend (Sat. April 21st) for a show. Details are sketchy, but I'll update when I hear more. I will also be in DC to bid a fond farewell to Anne-Marie and Tom, and my adopted nephews and niece. The past 2 years have seen a lot of people I know return to Ireland after a significant amount of time in the States. Coincidence? Or is "Dancing with the Stars" to blame? I think we all know the answer to that.

Where's my coffee?

I was at one of my neighborhood deli/grocery stores the other day, when all of a sudden a strange man was offering me donuts and beer. I said "No, thank you.", which he countered with, "How about some pie, too?" This went on for the entire time I was in the store, with the gentleman adding various different sweets and confectionaries to his list of offerings while simultaneously getting louder. Finally, I paid and left him in the store, now screaming, about how he "wasn't offering me drugs or anything illegal", he "just thought we could have some donuts and maybe some sex".

Have I missed something recently? Some significant advancement regarding the etiquette of courtship? Do donuts and pie and other baked goods now guarantee sex? When did this happen? Is it now commonplace to, instead of a whole fancy dinner, just buy your date a piece of strudel and know that they're gonna put out?

It's no wonder this country has an obesity problem, if that's the case.

Have you gotten my coffee yet? Make sure to grab a couple of slices of marble cake while you're in there.

Let's get it on.