I'm Gonna Punch You In The Ovary. Straight Shot...Right In The Baby-Maker

Well folks, Danny Rouhier has stepped to me one too many times. This is his blog entry from today.

So now I have been drawn into the seedy underbelly of "blog-offs". I must respond to Danny's listing of my foibles; or my street cred will forever be questioned, my homies will be gunned down, and I might have to start paying for my cable. So in response, here are reasons why I am pissed at Rouhier. Or if you don't believe that-here is a list of reasons why Rouhier is a jive-ass turkey. Can you dig it?

- Danny won an open mic contest I was hosting once about 3 years ago. The prize was $150. I gave him the first $75, and then I think I went shoe shopping. Because Danny's punk-ass never called me on it (I mean really called me on it-with baseball bats and everything), I have since turned to a life of crime; getting involved in everything from the international heroin trade to knocking over lemonade stands.

- One time when I was out drinking with Danny, I fell down and cut my knee up real bad. It was bleeding all over the place. Danny gave me the paper plate his slice of pizza had been resting on to soak up the blood. If he had been a real friend, he also would have given me the pizza.

-I'm 99% sure I've seen Danny out in public-on two separate occasions-wearing a sweater vest. And I think they were two different sweater vests. This can only mean he owns more than one sweater vest. Oh, Danny! Get help!

-Danny leaves the best voicemail messages EVER. But they leave me comparing all the other voicemails I receive to his. And that's unfair. Because you can't compare, "Hey Erin. It's Tim. Call me back.", to "CoooooonROY! Conroy. You assssshole. I fuckin' love you, man. You are a good comic. But you know what? So am I. I saw this guy tonight...he had huuuge ears. And then I totally hooked up! She was hot. I think she was hot. Tell me if you think she's hot. Remember that time when I was at the place, with the....HAHAHAHA! Got you, CooooonROY. You were all like, 'Oh, whatever!', and I was like, 'Yeah, I ate ALL OF IT!' And that's why no one even watches MacGyver anymore and that's a shame. Conroy-I gotta go buy some beef jerky. Later. I'm out. But wait-did I tell you...." Glorious.

-Bullshit you went to GW, Danny. Bullshit. I didn't see YOU falling down the Smith Center stairs during a Colonials pep rally due to copious amounts of SoCo. Did you think you could just "phone it in" from the "baseball team" you were allegedly on? I hope you're comfortable atop your throne of lies.

I'm leaving work now. So it's your move, Rouhier.