Comedian Erin Conroy: Happy All Saints Day, Y'All!

Comedian Erin Conroy

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Happy All Saints Day, Y'All!

How was your Halloween? Mine was great, thanks for asking. However every Halloween that passes leaves me increasingly aware of how lazy kids are these days. Costumes? Since when did dressing all in black and carrying around a filthy pillowcase qualify as a costume? I demand the immediate return of all miniature bags of Skittles, as well as a significant amount of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

This morning I stopped at Duane Reade before heading into work. (Duane Reade is an NYC-area CVS or Rite-Aid. Hey, I'd never heard of it before I moved here.) So I'm 4 people back in line, and all of a sudden this homeless man breezes in to the front of the line and shouts, "You people don't mind if I cut in front of you, do you? I gotta get going."

Really? Are you in a rush? Where do you have to be, honestly? We're all heading into work. Is the street corner next to the bus stop not going to be there in 5 minutes time? Ridiculous.

On the flip side, my favorite homeless man is the one who stands on the platform at the subway stop I take to get to work. He's always got a huge smile on his face, and there is a soft, grandfatherly look to him. But he's kind of a paradox, in that while he's standing there looking ever so congenial, he's also ranting about some of the strangest things. Examples:

"Women are thieves of DNA! If you lay down with a woman, she will steal your DNA! Then they place it in their bellies, and out comes a mini DNA thief! Beware!"

"I know that the Clinton administration took my brain and replaced it with a watermelon. I know this, and Tom Cruise knows this. Why don't you all believe me?!?"

(On the day Paris Hilton got out of jail) "If you release Paris Hilton from jail, the nation will SUFFER! For the good of the United States, you MUST keep Paris Hilton behind bars!!"

Let the record show that I wholeheartedly agree with that last rant.


At 9:07 AM, Blogger Karen said...

Stamp stealer!!!!!!


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