Comedian Erin Conroy: Hey You Kids! Get Off Of My Brain!

Comedian Erin Conroy

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Hey You Kids! Get Off Of My Brain!

Andy Rooney is f**king crazy.

Can anyone tell me why this cantankerous old geezer is still on television? Spouting his nonsensical diatribes against short pants and frozen yogurt, shaking his wrinkled fists at anyone under the age of 60 and passing judgement from atop his high Rascal? This must be some kind of inside joke over at "60 Minutes". That's the only explanation. The producers must get together every couple of weeks to think up different ways to angry up Rooney's blood, and then tape the resulting rant:

"Look at this! It's a magazine article about how more women are keeping their name after getting married. And how some women aren't getting married at all!!! Andy, have you seen this?"

"Pictures from my trip to Amsterdam. I'm just gonna leave these on Rooney's desk."

"Someone go take a picture of Andy with their IPhone. Hurry up - we've got a show to air."

I was unfortunate enough to catch the end of "60 Minutes" this past Sunday. Andy was disgusted by the kinds of bags people carry with them everywhere they go. And even more so when he actually took to the streets and asked people to show him what unspeakable things they had in said bags.

It was kind of amusing to see him get agitated about the number of people that had personal planners in their bags - but when he found out that almost everyone had a book, he got really up in arms. "Do you read this book on company time?!?!" "Is this what you do on your company's time?" "Are they paying you to read?!?" Every person that Andy interrogated replied that no, they didn't read at work, but liked to read during their commute. But Andy didn't believe them, and instead lamented the decline of the American work ethic.

You curmudgeonly old bastard. You know, Andy - not all of us fly to work in an old timey dirigible every day, listening to "The Green Hornet" broadcasts and working the pomade into our hair. You're old is what I'm saying. Real old. Stop worrying about when my generation is reading and start worrying about your grandkids stealing from your wallet when they come in for a hug. They don't really want to hug you. They want money for their cassette tapes and trips to the malt shoppe! The ungrateful sonsabitches!!


If I had to pick one word to describe the NY Comedy Scene, I would say" "reliable". When something is scheduled, that's it! It may as well have been scheduled in stone! You sure can set your watch to the NY Comedy Scene!

Oh sarcasm, thy name is Erin Conroy. My show originally scheduled for Friday at 8pm at StandUp NY has been moved to Friday at 9pm at the Underground Lounge. I don't even know where that is. But I know where it's not - and that's StandUp NY. Change your schedules accordingly. And don't hold your breath, as it may get cancelled all together.


But my show at the Broadway Comedy Club on Thursday at 9:30pm is still on. Party!

How was everyone's Thanksgiving? Mine was freezing. The weather may be why I haven't made it home for the past 7 or so Thanksgivings. Or else it's the cranberry sauce.

Now that Thanksgiving's over, all the tinsel and decorations that have been up since November 1st don't look quite as ridiculous. Which is good news for my neighborhood - which has had red and green garland choking every street lamp since October 12th. And silver bells on every drunk guy passed out in the street. Oh, the merry tinkling sound those little bells make every time a drunk guy stumbles into an alleyway to vomit, or takes a swing at a police officer! 'Tis the Season!


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