All You Need To Know About My Brother

My Mom is back in Buffalo this week for the first time in years. She's been catching up with all her friends and co-workers while she's been home, and having a great time.

This past Wednesday, one of her friends threw a big party for her with all the people she went to school with, and worked with and was friends with in attendance. My sister and brother escorted her there.

My brother is 27 years old. He'll be 28 next month. He wore a hat not unlike this one to the party:Is he too old to be grounded? Would it even do any good?

New Orleans

So I went to New Orleans last weekend. I'm only just now drying out. What a shit show. A bunch of us went down for a surprise party weekend for my friend Mike's 30th birthday. It was a really sweet trip organized by his girlfriend and well-attended by all the friends that love him.

And then we got OBLITERATED. New Orleans, you're so cool! Let's be friends forever! Except I can't see you again for a while because you took all the money out of my wallet and a good 30% of my liver's function. But KIT online, k?

I saw Kermit Ruffins perform! He's on "Treme"! I reminded him that he's on "Treme" by loudly yelling it in his general direction while he was performing. You're welcome, Kermit.

I also got to be a part of the following exchange the morning after a particularly fuzzy night:

Jeremy: Ask Erin, she knows.

Lauren: Hey, was I throwing money at ducks last night?

Erin: (blank stare)

Jeremy: Tell her, Erin.

Lauren: See, I woke up with all this change this morning, and I didn't know where it came from. Then Jeremy told me that we passed a bunch of ducks last night and I wanted to throw bread at them. But I didn't have any bread! But I DID have money, so I decided to give them money, but I only had bills. So I asked a homeless guy to make change so I could feed the ducks, but he only had small change - like pennies and nickels - so I got a LOT of change. And then I was throwing the change at the ducks, but I still have a lot left over. Does that sound right?

Erin: (slowly walks backward into open elevator, presses 'door close' button)


I don't know what struck me as more unsettling - the fact that she was genuinely wondering whether she threw money at ducks the night before, or the fact that I couldn't have told her yes or no even if I wanted to. I had no idea. I had just been told by someone else that I was predicting what numbers would hit at the craps table at the casino for a few hours around 5am. To that I responded, "What? What casino?"