Ye Olde Sexual Harassment

So I went to the New York Renaissance Faire this past weekend with my friends Katy and Travis. Now maybe because it was the last weekend of the Renaissance season, or maybe because it was indicative of how men really did act during the 14th and 15th centuries; but there was a whole lot of inappropriate gesticulating and innuendo. Nice.

There was a guy dressed like a clown (jester?) on stilts who was quite fond of putting his crotch in my face. Then there was the guy running the chinese star booth; when we stepped up to throw, he said he'd take pictures of us with Katy's camera. When we were done, we got the camera back and it was just pictures of our asses. Add to the mix a few rowdy and hirsute men hanging out of cardboard castles and waving their "swords" at us, and you've got yourself quite the surreal day.

Didn't stop me from getting tipsy! The best line of the day came thanks to Katy and her biting wit. She and Travis and I were trying to learn how to juggle those crystal balls a la the Goblin King in "Labyrinth". It's a lot harder than it looks, and needless to say we were all doing rather shabbily. The guy who was teaching everyone was trying to help us, and came over to try and help me roll the ball over my fingers. Or whatever. I dropped the ball for about the 43rd time, and Katy asked me, "Hey Erin-how did it feel getting your GED???!!??" Before I had a chance to defend my superior intellect, the instructor looked at Katy and said with all seriousness, "It felt pretty good."

Ahahahahahahahahaha. You can't buy an awkward, pregnant pause like that. Katy was horrified. I was tickled pink.

Busy week so far-got some shows coming up in the next few. But you already knew that. New York Comedy Club next Friday October 6th! Who wants to watch a comedy show with my family? All of you, that's who!

Finally, I will leave with a recommendation for a heart-warming story all the kids can enjoy...

The Crystal Shard

So I'm relaxing at home last night, enjoying a bottle of wine, (don't worry-I still prefer boxes of vino, they're just harder to come by in my neck of Brooklyn), when I saw the preview for the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie.

Now, I'll be honest with you; I find a lot of things wrong with this flick already, and I only caught a 60-second preview. First problem: It's entirely animated. No giant turtles suits with actors almost certainly suffocating inside? Second problem: They were trying to make it look all bad-ass and super serious; like that stupid Batman cartoon that was on years ago. All darkness and shadows and intense facial expressions. And not one mention of pizza. Ridiculous. Third (and biggest) problem: I don't know this for sure yet, but I have a sneaking suspicion they have someone else doing the voice for Donatello. And by someone else, I mean someone that isn't Corey Feldman. And if that's the case, then I'm just not interested. Corey Feldman is to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as David Lee Roth is to a proper Van Halen reunion. (Sorry Sammy)

That all being said, I still got a kick out of watching the preview and remembering how much I LOVED the Turtles cartoon as a kid. It got me to thinking-and I'm sure the wine didn't hurt my train of thought either-about how great an impression the shows and movies that I watched as a kid left on me. I loved the characters, enjoyed the adventures, and yes-even learned a few lessons. Lessons I could continue to apply, even as I got older...

Here are a few examples:

G.I. Joe-It's important to love your country and be willing to sacrifice anything for it. Even your sense of fashion. (I'm looking at you, Gung-Ho) Also, all enemies of the USA are over-actors, with vaguely Eastern-European accents and a penchant for tight, form-fitting bodysuits.

The Wuzzles-Genetic engineering and gene-splicing will bring about a new era of monstrous deformities and nightmarish creatures that will eventually destroy all humankind.

The Neverending Story-I really do have some spectacular part to play in all the books I'm reading to escape my soul-crushing existence! And any day now, my favorite book will come to life and take me away on a magical journey! Come on, "Sweet Valley High: Two Boy Weekend"!!

Them!-Seeing giant ants kill your whole family while most likely make you catatonic. Especially if it all happens in black and white as opposed to Technicolor.

Gummi Bears-Drugs can be fun, especially when they make you bounce high and fast or give you superhuman strength. But the effects will eventually wear off; leaving you to clean up a mess of broken bottles, bones, and various forest creatures. In other words-the mess you've made with your life.

Labyrinth-Tremble before the awesome power of David Bowie's trouser bulge! You can't look away! But it makes you so uncomfortable! Also, don't wish your family away-no matter how loud or dressed in striped pajamas they are-because you could go through hell on Earth trying to get them back. But mostly, Bowie's bulge.


And the list goes on and on. I'll put more down if anybody is still reading my blog after this entry. (Ian? Have I lost you already?)

Shows: October 6th and October 20th. Will you be in NYC? Then you should come down to the New York Comedy Club or the Laugh Lounge respectively. And then you should hang out for the weekend. Come on! We'll go to the zoo! It'll be like old times! Before the...you know...cops and all the unpleasantness. I still love you!

(Awkward blog ending)

Really? AIDS? Really?

So I performed with the DCStandup All-Stars last Wednesday, September 13th at American University. It was an interesting show, to say the least. The crowd was not really trying to have a good time, and we all did our damndest to change their minds. Tough going. None of us bombed-I felt pretty good about a couple of new jokes I threw in the audiences face, and everyone else gave it their all as well. And then when Jared was onstage, a particularly ornery young man took it upon himself to voice his displeasure. He yelled out that AIDS was funnier than Jared. AIDS. Yeah, AIDS. Who yells that?!!? Who uses AIDS as an insult? Isn't AIDS a kind of tender subject? I can see maybe saying SARS is funnier than someone-that "potential epidemic" turned out to be a bit of a joke. But AIDS......I dunno, man. Maybe I'm missing the pure comic genius at work here.

Anyway-kudos to Jared for dealing with this douchebag with grace and wit, and finishing his set strong.

College crowds are usually a crapshoot for me. One of the best sets I ever had was at Johns Hopkins University. On the flip side, the single worst set of my comedy career was at the University of Maryland Baltimore Campus. Who knows? Maybe it all depends upon what flavors are being sold at the Jamba Juice on campus. (Strawberry Mango Energy Fusion is a bitch)

My sister and friend Melissa were in NYC for a visit this weekend. I think I'm still drunk.

Shout-out to my boy Zack right now: I know life is hard for you, right now. You can only grill and get drunk by the pool so many times a week, and that's rough. But keep your spirits up, and your faith in "The Oracle" constant. And I swear to God I'll never DD again. Probably...

I started this blog back on September 15th 2005. That means, (gasp!) I just passed my one-year anniversary of blogging. What does this even mean? A whole big pile of nothing, I think. But there might be 3 or 4 of you who have been reading since the beginning, and are still with me now. And to you, I apologize. But I appreciate the support-and will work to try and get some quality material up here.

Word jumbles are quality, right? Who doesn't like word jumbles?

Happy New Year 1959!

I went out on Friday night with a few friends from college. These guys I haven't seen in years (not counting Townley's going-away last month), and I was delighted to find how easily we could slip back into the kind of friendship we had all throughout school. (Mostly because we all still harbor the same opinions about a lot of the people we knew back then)

Isn't it funny how you can do that with some people? Just slip immediately back into the familiar rapport you had with them years previous? And funnier still-remember the people you used to be BFF with-who now you couldn't be bothered to find out if they're still alive? For shits and giggles, try and dig up one of your old high school-or better yet middle school-yearbooks and read through all the notes from the kids you swore you would be friends with until the day you died. Hot damn! Are you even vaguely interested in how BraceFace is doing now? Or that one friend who was always talking to his Trapper Keeper? Or that girl who got knocked up and tried (rather unsuccessfully) to hide it until graduation? No, you're not. Because you are a heartless sonofabitch. But at least you're not the only one.

Anyways-fun show this Wednesday!!! The DCStandup All-Stars will be performing at American University!!! Here are the details:

The show is in the Tavern, which is located on the main floor of the Mary Graydon Center. The Mary Graydon Center is the building on the far end of the quad near the library. If you walk into MGC's center outside entrance, you will then turn right once on the first floor and head toward The Tavern. Admission is free! Show starts at 7:15pm!

That's right, free admission! What else were you gonna do this Wednesday? The new season of Lost doesn't start until October 4th.

I am taking the bus up Wednesday morning with fellow comic and drug mule Frank Hong. And then, after the show, we are taking the 2am bus back to NYC! I am now taking bets on what movies I will be subjected to on said bus rides.

"Cheaper by the Dozen 2", anyone?

We Are All Better People For Having Known Him

You will be sorely missed, Steve.

Crikey.

The Heroin...She Wears Off!

The 3rd and final season of "Arrested Development" is finally out on DVD. Buy it.

So I have a show on October 6th at the New York Comedy Club. It's another "industry show". I put that in quotation marks, because shows are not always what they seem in this city. Just ask my unfalteringly loyal friend Kat to describe the harrowing experience she went through at my last "industry show". However, I have been to the New York Comedy Club many times, and know that they can bring a crowd on a random Tuesday night. So Friday, October 6th-come on down!!!!

I am heading back to DC for less than 24 hours this Wednesday, the 13th, to do a show at American University with the DC Standup All-Stars. I'm fairly sure I've gushed about these boys before, but just in case-they're awesome. More details on the show as I get them.

If you have HBO OnDemand, check out the section with the channel's "one night stand" comedy specials. Flight of the Conchords are there, and it is one of the funniest 30 minutes I have ever seen. Big ups to Larry Poon for forcing me to watch it the first time.

Next weekend, I will be attending the Renaissance Faire here in the NYC area. (Notice how I spelled 'Faire'? That's right. That's how we spell it when we're serious about mutton and mead and not having any kind of street cred for the rest of our lives. Also, that was the Royal We)

Because what's better than beer and weapons and laughin' at nerds?

You're right, Super MarioKart is better.

But just barely.

What Is This-The Year Of The Jerk!?!?

Haven't blogged in a while-and I'm sorry. For my penance, I will say 3 rosaries and watch a whole episode of "Celebrity Duets" on FOX.

Shame on you, FOX-leading Marie Osmond to believe she is important.

Random thoughts:

-Whiskey is great.

-The Buffalo Irish Festival needs two things to kick ass: copious amounts of beer, and ample tent space. The lack of one this year made it sub-par.

-Forget "Hotel California"; "Take it Easy" is the best Eagles song of all time. And it has been running on a loop in my brain for the past 12 days.

-The Teen Choice Awards annoyed the crap out of me. Turns out the VMAs made me just as angry.

-Snakes on a Plane is even awesome-er the 2nd time you see it.

-I'm going to see Tim Gunn at the 42nd Street Library moderating a discussion on fashion. I'm going to wear a garbage bag and put kleenex boxes on my feet and pray he tells me to "Make it work!"

-I am very aware of the fact that I thought I had more random thoughts to share. Better blogging coming soon.