Things

Whew-sorry about the rant against the airlines last post. But man - they're terrible. And now this new fee for checking a bag on AA? What? Ridiculous. I tell ya - this is looking better and better.

Anyhoodles - I am moved in to my new apartment in Sunnyside Queens!!! Significant tension has been released from my person. Now it's time for me to once again tell you what shows you should be watching:

"This American Life" on Showtime is awesome.

I know I'm a little tardy to the party on this one, but the show "Firefly" is great too. I mean, it was cancelled like, 5 years ago after one season - but you should check out the DVDs anyway.

My show at the Broadway Comedy Club next week! Ha! Clever! That's not a TV show! But it is a show of comedy at 9:30pm on Thursday May 29th. Tickets are only $5, and that's amazing.

And now I will list phrases I'm insanely tired of hearing on reality shows; be they dating shows, competitions, or some mess where families are swapped:

-"You threw me under the bus"

-"That's disrespectful"

-"You have no idea where I come from" see also, "Bitch! You don't know me!"

-"I'm keeping it real"

-"Don't hate the player, hate the game"

-"I love you, Flav"

Do You Remember When The Airlines Weren't Pansies?

I do. I remember when planes used to take off as scheduled - in the rain, and the snow, and the wind.

Now - it seems like at the drop off a hat - flights are cancelled. No exaggeration - this past year alone, I have been inconvenienced by three cancelled flights. THREE!!! And that's not counting the countless hours spent delayed with little or no information why.

Hey airlines-what gives? Why are you being such dicks? Yes you are. You are being dicks. And are you serious? You only have granola bars if we have cash money on us? That's it. You asked for it.

Next time I fly you, I'm gonna put pieces of gum in between the pages of each one of your in-flight magazines. Dicks.

I Make Great First Impressions

I went to a Cinco de Mayo party on Monday night with a friend. Tacos, beer and oatmeal cookies = authentic mexican fiesta-ing.

Anyways, we were all talking about jobs, and gigs (5 out of the 7 of us there were comics) and everything else, when randomly someone mentioned that a friend of theirs works in the same office as John Schiavo, a relative of the late Terri Schiavo.

The mention of Terri Schiavo's name caused a kind of moment of silence; all of us looking down for a moment in acknowledgement before continuing with the conversation. And wouldn't you know it, I was the first one to speak again! And because I don't think before I open my gob a lot of the times, this is the first thing I blurted out:

"Do you think anyone ever asks him if he wants to get something to eat, or do you think that would be waaaaay too awkward?"

I wasn't trying to be funny, that was honestly just the first thing that popped into my head when the name was mentioned. Even the comics were a little horrified.

But those oatmeal cookies were A-W-E-S-O-M-E!

I am FREAKIN' OUT, man!!!

So I'm back from Florida, and I had an awesome time. The Rangers are out of the playoffs, and I'm disappointed (though not surprised). This Thursday, May 8th at 8pm, that thing I filmed for We will be on.

But the one thing weighing most heavy on my mind right now is my impending move. That's right: Brooklyn's loss will be Queens' gain. Next Saturday May 17th is move day, and I swear to God I have exactly 4,652 things to get done beforehand. And I am streeeeeessed out. Packing blows, cleaning blows, moving blows - all of it flippin' blows.

That being said - anyone wanna pack up my apartment? There's a small box of raisins and a scratched Simon and Garfunkel CD in it for you.