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Comedian Erin Conroy: February 2007
Comedian Erin Conroy
Friday, February 23, 2007
You Win Some, You Lose Many More
It's been a while since I blogged. Have you missed me? Don't lie to me. I know that you've been filling the void with all those other blogs. I've seen "Wonkette" and "Pink is the New Blog" and all the rest in your browser history. You're a cheating whore.
The Sabres won last night, which is great. This is easily the best Sabres team since 1999, and I'm super-excited for them.
The Rangers lost last night. They lost after having the lead early on....AGAIN. And they lost in a shoot-out....AGAIN. And they lost to the Devils....AGAIN.
Why do I love them so much? Why am I always in such one-sided and unhealthy relationships when it comes to sports teams?
I need a vacation. The pressures of being a devoted and disappointed hockey fan are too much for me. I'm off to Florida.
Did you all enjoy your VD yesterday? Ha! I love it. I will from now on refer to that wretched excuse for a holiday as "VD", because then it's like I'm asking folks how their venereal disease is. Awesome.
I had my friend Sara over and we watched a History Channel special on the St. Valentine's Day Massacre. Guess what I learned? That gangsters be craaaazy.
Last night I got to talk to one of my best friends, Tim. He called from Switzerland at about 3am his time. Whaaa? That country must like to par-tay. Switzerland just moved up in my estimation. Bumped right in front of Ecuador. Get off your ass, Ecuador!
Do you know any other Tim's that are pretty terriffic? I do. One of my bosses at my old job is a Tim, and he's fantastic. Timothy (as he prefers to be called), was always very supportive of me and my comedy; and nothing has changed since I moved to DC. He still reads my blog every day, and sends me texts every now and then letting me know he's still behind me. Meanwhile, I am saving all his texts and e-mails in a file that has been labelled Exhibits A-G3 for entry as evidence in the harassment suit I'm bringing against him.
I'm kidding, of course. Tim makes an amazing shepherd's pie, loves Bruce Springsteen and awful sports teams, and my sister believes he has quite a future in car sales ahead of him. The world is yours, Tim!!
So the moral of this blog entry? Surround yourself with Tims. Tims are funny, loyal, and can dislocate their shoulders to win a bet. Tims!
I haven't eaten them in years, and they are available at my new job. All foods are available at my new job. No joke, they provide food and drinks and everything for their employees at all times. I know it's a trick, and they want us to work through our meals and have the energy to work overtime, but I don't care. They have 76 different kinds of cereal available. 76. I counted.
Tomorrow, "Kaboom" cereal. I haven't eaten that since I was 8 years old and the family went camping and we met another family that was kind enough to share their cereal with us. They had young kids to play with us, and all the parents got along well. But alas, they were Canadian; and so after our vacation was over, Dad made us swear we would never speak of them again.
I have realized today that, due to forces beyond my control (voodoo curse), I actually won't be coming into DC this weekend. So if anyone out there was excited to finally even the score in a darkened U Street/Cardozo alleyway-my apologies.
Hey everyone! Do you know how long it's been since I went back to DC for a visit? The last time was August of last year. AUGUST. That's ridiculous.
That's why I think it's high time I saddle up the Chinatown Bus and hit the road. So I'm gonna be in DC this weekend. Short and sweet, from Friday night to Sunday night, but I'm sure I can get plenty of drinking done. Also, it'll be nice to see my friends. Who wants to go out?
On a much more disturbing note-Valentine's Day is a week away. Sweet Jesus, the papier mache hearts and talking stuffed tigers are already in full effect. This holiday is even worse than Groundhog Day.
And no, I'm not just being bitter because I'm single. Ask any of my exes; I might hate Valentine's Day even more when I'm dating someone. There's just so much pressure to have the perfect night and get the perfect gift and to act perfectly complacent in your foundering relationship. And so you spend too much money on a shitty meal in an over-priced restaurant, exchange your standard gifts of chocolate and cologne, and finish the evening off with a romantic walk around the lake and a hot and sweaty argument about whether or not phone sex with someone else is really cheating when you thought it was him on the other line and never dreamed it would be his 11-year old brother and how of course you'd help pay for little Toby's subsequent therapy but unfortunately you're all tapped out because you spent all your extra money on official NFL Green Bay Packers boxer shorts and the complete "Walker, Texas Ranger" box set and what kind of man still idolizes Chuck Norris anyway?!?!?!?!
But I digress. What I'm trying to say, is stay away from those horrific tiny hearts with the messages on them. They taste like shit, and do you really want to tell someone you think they're "2 Good 2 B True" on what is essentially a heart-shaped piece of plaster? No. No, you really don't.
