Comedian Erin Conroy: August 2008

Comedian Erin Conroy

Thursday, August 28, 2008

And Shoes To Match!

Last night, I accompanied my friend Sylvia deep into Queens so she could get a dress at David's Bridal for an upcoming wedding. Oh, David's Bridal. You are ridiculous.

I am not a fan of most bridal stores - I'm not singling you out David's, I swear. There's just such an air of confusion and an undercurrent of seething hostility at most of these places. Everywhere you look blushing brides are fitting their long-suffering bridesmaids into some taffeta monstrosity, all the while assuring them, "It'll look great in the Autumn. Just do this for me, OK? It's my day...." Which is followed shortly by the inevitable bride/mother argument that results in tears or someone getting hit with a tiara. Never fails. I can't imagine dudes ever have this much trouble at the tux shop.

Anyways, what's up? I was back in Buffalo last weekend for the Irish Festival/take my pen pal to Niagara Falls bonanza. I think I may be one of the worst tour guides ever - especially when it comes to the Falls. Because growing up so close to them in Buffalo, you can see them whenever you want really, and you take them for granted. And by "take them for granted", I mean they bore you. So when my sister and I took Mark there last weekend, I was like, " ...And here's some more water. Just like the other water we saw. Oh! Here's a bench! I'll nap on it while you go take some more gay-ass pictures."

And now it's back to Buffalo tomorrow night, this time for my high school reunion. High school reunions are so romanticized in movies and on the TV - usually because there's always the story about the long-estranged high school loves reuniting and falling in love all over again at the reunion. However, when you attend an all-girls Catholic high school like I did, that possibility doesn't factor itself into the reunion equation. The most emotional thing we can look forward to is something along the lines of, "Oh my God! It's so great to see you again! After all these years....I can still remember the day we decorated the gym together for Spirit Week. Those were magical times."

Have I told you all to watch "Mad Men" yet? Watch "Mad Men". That show rules.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Buzz Cuts

So I went to that awesome 90s rock concert last night. And you know what? It was pretty fun! I only knew 2 songs by both Cracker and Soul Asylum, but I knew a ton from Everclear. Sometime in the past 28 years I guess I've become a fan.

Noted: I have gotten super-lame. The concert started at 8pm (I'm not counting the opening guy. Does anyone count the opening guy? Maybe if they're liars), and by 11pm when Everclear finally got onstage I was trying all manner of subtlety to let Mark (my pen pal - pay attention) know I was exhausted and wanted to go home. I did the big yawn, the constant watch-check and the shifting from foot to foot whilst grimacing so he could see how very sore my feet were. No dice - we stayed to the end. Which is good, because I got to hear the songs I enjoyed the most out of the entire show, but bad because I'm old as dirt.

There were other people at the show that could have stood to act their age as well. There were these 2 40-something meatheads - complete with gold chains and wife beaters, but no hair - standing behind us in line for beverages. The line wasn't moving terribly fast, and these guys are screaming "I'm dyin' a thirst ova heah! Come on! COME ONNNNNNN!" And then dying laughing like they were the first two idiots to ever complain about service loud enough for others to hear. Douchebags.

I'm going home to Buffalo tonight. Meet me tomorrow at Niagara Falls with a barrel, and we'll just see where the day takes us.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

One Thing-

I'm pretty sure the Italian Ice shop in my neighborhood is a front for something far more sinister. Like a drug ring or a place where you can buy commemorative plates with the Jonas Brothers' faces on them. The shop has a prime location on Queens Boulevard, and it's only open for about 5 hours a day, and I've never seen anyone but employees inside.

And who are these Jonas Brothers all the kids are talking about??

Friday, August 15, 2008

I Could Win Just As Many Gold Medals, I'm Just Too Busy

How about that Michael Phelps, huh? That kid is on FIRE! Drink it in, Baltimore. What else do you have to be proud of? Besides The Wire.

I feel like I should have something of consequence to write about. about this? I have a pen pal. Yup. A pen pal from New Zealand, whom I've been writing to for about 14 years. That's crazy! Anyhoo - he's coming into New York this weekend, staying with me for a few days next week, and then I'm taking him back to Buffalo so he can experience the real cultural mecca of these United States.

So right now I'm trying desperately to think of things to do when he's in town that are fun and interesting. You know - things that I normally wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole. One night next week - I've got us tickets to a concert that would have been amazing if it were still 1998 - Everclear, Cracker and Soul Asylum. Ha! I'm the worst host ever.

Any other ideas? I know that, seeing as how I'm a comic, maybe I should take him to a show. But then I'd have to edit my material, so as not to offend my guest with all my Kiwi-heavy jokes.

Monday, August 11, 2008

I Am Madly In Love...

With Anderson Cooper.

I have had a crush on Anderson Cooper since his Channel One days, when the "news channel" was forced upon us every morning in high school. Anderson was a single bright spot amid a sea of Lisa Lings and Serena Altschuls (read: morons).

Now he has proved himself a serious and respectable journalist time and again, from his Anderson Cooper 360 to 60 Minutes and beyond.

This past week however, he showed us all once again why Anderson Cooper, and Anderson Cooper alone, should be considered the voice of reason - nay! The voice of America:

Marry me, Anderson.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

"Let's Hail Maroon and White..."

Long time since I posted. Sorry Beth.

Anyhoo - the title of this blog references my high school song. I thought I'd better explain that as maybe one person who reads this blog went to high school with me. My 10-year reunion is just around the corner! Wow - 10 years. That makes me feel old. Well, that and the fact that I can't stop telling teenagers that "When I was your age, I wasn't an asshole."

The magic of the interweb has put me back in touch with a ton of people I haven't seen since graduation, and I'm starting to really look forward to the reunion. It'll be nice to see everyone, and also, we've been promised a "Buffalo Style Buffet". I enjoy chicken wings, roast beef and loganberry as much as the next guy. But I enjoy them even more when I can eat them while simultaneously gossiping about that teacher we had who got arrested for statutory rape. Good times.

Did I thank everyone that came to my shows yet? Probably not. THANK YOU to everyone who made it out to my shows at Gotham and Broadway a couple weeks back. You are the awesomest. And awesomest is a word now. Call Webster.

I saw "The Dark Knight" the Monday after opening weekend. I went with a friend to a theatre in Times Square. Times Square probably isn't the best place to see a movie anytime, as you tend to get a very interesting cross-section of humanity around those parts. But that night was especially bizarre, as I felt like I was watching a movie with 400 people who've never been to a movie theatre before in their life. They were clapping at random parts, laughing hysterically at others, and I'm pretty sure there was booing as well. It was re-donk-ulous. Bruce Wayne would walk onscreen - the crowd would start clapping and hooting. Every time the Joker did anything - seriously, anything - it was uproarious laughter. I'm all for having a good time at the movies, but all the commotion ended up drowning out the next two or three lines of dialogue. It was insane. That kind of behavior is only acceptable for movies of a particular caliber.