Are You Ready For Some Football?

Because meh - I couldn't care less. Who's playing again? Is it the Washington Generals vs. the Hartford Whalers? God, how great would that game be? Super great.

So what have you guys been up to? I was in Boston last weekend for my friend Tim's 30th birthday party. (Ah, Boston. One day we will be together....) I got to see a whole mess of my friends from school, which is always fun. Except that every single one of my guy friends seems to be on the road to marriage, or married already. This makes me feel old. And super single. I was like, "Really? The guy who peed in the dresser is going to be engaged before me? I just don't understand life anymore..."

I'm also starting to realize that I may not be as hip as I've always thought. This was made painfully obvious at the bar that Tim's party was at, when every other song that came on made everyone around me squeal or cheer and then start to dance, leaving me to yell to the person next to me, "What is this? I mean WHO is this? Who sings this album? Is it Destiny's Child? Or TLC? Or SWV, aka Sisters with Voices?". When someone told me it was something called "Lady Gaga" I almost smacked their face for lying to mine. I suppose I should get on the Napster and download some songs. The Napster's still around, right?

Anyways - I've been trying to lay a little low since getting back to NYC. There seems to be a cold/flu bug going around that's affecting everyone in the Tri-State area, and I've been freebasing Dayquil and Zicam and various cough medicines for the past 5 days. So far so good - I haven't gotten so sick that I can't get out of bed in the morning. One side effect - I think my mixture of medicines is causing me to hallucinate. Either that, or there really is going to be another "Rambo" movie.

Did I tell you I finished "The Wire" in its entirety? The whole series - gone. Done. And it makes me sad all day. There is a whole in my heart that only an "Arrested Development" movie can fill. So stop being a dick, Michael Cera.

My friend Katy who is super good to me is going to help me put some of my comedy online for people to see and watch. And judge. Mostly for the judging. I'll keep you posted!

My New Favorite Request:

Is "YOOOO WHY WON'T YOU LET ME BE GREAT!!! "

And it comes courtesy of Kanye West. Who may be the biggest douchebag in the history of history.

Help

So how do I take a DVD I have of a set I did, and get it onto the interweb, so that I can send the link to people who want to look at my comedy? How do I do that?

Yes yes, I'm an idiot. Have your laugh and then help me. I helped you!

Ricardo Montalban was also the bad guy in "The Naked Gun", remember?

And he will be missed.

Crazy week, no? Anybody hear about that plane that fell into the Hudson? That happened. Do you know what else happened? A feces-throwing rhesus monkey was loosed on the unsuspecting citizens of Tampa Bay. That's right - everyone got a good scare this week.

Thank you again to everyone who came to my show at Gotham on Tuesday night!!! It ended up being a great show and I was happy with my set. More shows on the horizon - I'll keep you posted.


I want this:
Don't act like it's not the coolest thing you've ever seen. Imagine how much sleeping you could get done while sitting on the train, waiting in line at the DMV, or laying on your bed. This hat goes everywhere!

The Inauguration is right around the corner - wow - that snuck up on us, no? Not that I'm complaining - I wish this day had come 4 years ago.

But I was reminiscing about the Inauguration celebration of 4 years ago all the same today. Because I was given the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to attend an Inaugural Ball! Sure, it was Cheney's Inaugural Ball, and the man is evil incarnate - but my lovely date Zach Toczynski and I both realized that free booze is free booze, and if we're gonna take it from anybody, why wouldn't we take it from Cheney? It was kind of like "destroying the machine from the inside", but much more like "getting drunk for free on the top-shelf shit for once". If I remember correctly, I puked in a Planet Hollywood bathroom that night.

(Sigh) Democracy.

Hallo

Dear Everyone in New York:

I already pushed the button to call the elevator. You don't have to push it again. See how it's all lit up? Yeah. That's how you can tell.

Love,
Erin

This Makes Me Chuckle

If you don't know who Ricky Gervais is, then I'm not sure we can remain friends or even acquaintances.

Now! With that unpleasantness out of the way, you should check out Ricky's blog whenever you can because it's hilarious. More to the point, this week he posted a Top Ten movie list written by a friend of his. Well two lists really, as one was the Top Ten Best movies 0f 2008, and one was the Top Ten Worst. Long story short - he pegged "Twilight" as the worst movie of 2008. Which is both a fact and hilarious. But even funnier, what he wrote about it:

1. Twilight -- Dear Fat Girls of America, I know times are tough. I know how it feels to be overweight, and unpopular, to feel that no one really understands you and to wallow away at night, lying in your big bed, snacking and wishing there was an effeminate vampire boy-child to come steal you away and show you how shiny he looks in the sunlight. (I don't). But this is not the answer. I say it again, ma'am: THIS IS NOT THE ANSWER. I know it's too late to stop this train, but let us all agree that the Twilight books make Harry Potter look like Proust.

Awesome.

I'll be at Gotham Comedy Club this Tuesday night at 8pm. Just see if I'm not.

Happy Year of the Ox!

The holidays are over, so it's time to now embrace the inevitable post-holiday depression. Mine has taken the form of my now long-dead Christmas tree. My tree; standing there in the corner of my living room and shedding countless pounds of needles whenever I touch it, walk past it or look at it for longer than 10 seconds; is a constant reminder that I will be without gingerbread lattes and Christmas songs for the next 11 months. It's proving to be a formidable adversary, as I have yet to figure out how to get it out of my apartment and onto the street corner outside without coating the 5 floors in between points A and B with a carpet of needles.

But I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season and a happy New Year!! My Christmas was great - especially Christmas Eve. My brother and I have our own tradition on Christmas Eve - he makes me dinner, I wrap his presents for him, and then we drink all of the beer at my sister's house before she gets back from Rochester. And then we tell her to clean up the beer bottles, for Godssakes, doesn't she have any respect for her own house? Nice.

While I was home I saw "Slumdog Millionaire". It's amazing. You should go see it.

2009, man! Trying to make some significant changes this year. However, rather than blabbing about them all throughout January only to find myself lying prostrate on the couch February 1st wondering what in the hell I did with the sheet of paper that had my bullsh*t resolutions on it anyway not that it really matters because yes! "Overboard" is on and I haven't seen it in forever so I'll just resolve to watch that now and worry about bettering my life later.

However - one of my resolutions is to submit to every single comedy festival in North America this year. Hell - they can't all turn me down, right? And if they do - then I need to seriously reconsider being involved in comedy.

So, I know of festivals in NYC, Boston, DC, Montreal, Vegas (I think), Seattle and LA. Am I missing any? Did I make any up? Any info on other festivals around the nation this year? If you know of anything, please lemme know!!

2009 - don't be a dick. Seriously.