Shark Week

Started last night. Now don't be actin' like you're too good to learn about Lemon Sharks. No animal-devoted week in the history of television has ever had a following as devoted as Shark Week. Not even Capybara Week, and they had special guest host Debbie Gibson.

Just kidding - she goes by Deborah Gibson now.

Last week was busy. But I got to see a lot of people I haven't seen in ages. First of all - a lot of the boys I did comedy with in DC are here in NYC now, and we all did a show together on Monday night. It reminded me of how special they all are...in that kind of retarded, but mostly endearing way. And I'm glad they're in town.

And this weekend, I had two friends in from DC whom I haven't seen in years. First was Mark, who used to live across the hall from me in my apartment building in DC. I used to walk across to Mark's place at all hours clutching various bottles of booze and asking him to tell me I'm pretty.

My friend Beth was in town as well, with her boyfriend. Beth and I used to work at the extremely popular ice cream parlor Cone E. Island in DC. Have you heard of it? I'm sure you have, it was mentioned in the GW School paper. Beth and I did our damndest to bring that place down from the inside, one extra scoop of sprinkles at a time. (You call them 'jimmies', and I'll claw your eyes out.)

I've got the first of 3 Crowded House concerts in 6 days this Friday night. I'm trying to decide what would make my special sign to the band stand out from all the others. Should I use glitter, or hot pink highlighter? Would too busy a collage of pictures detract from the message I'm trying to get across? However I decide to decorate, I know it's going to end up looking amazing.

If you're at the concert this Friday night at the Foxwoods Casino in CT and you wanna hang out, just find me in the crowd! I'll be the one holding the sign that says "Give me two fistfuls of your hair."

Change of Venue

My show tonight is now at the Laugh Lounge, and not the Laugh factory.

Were you planning on coming? If so, you should now plan on coming to 151 Essex Street.

Everything else remains the same: 8pm, $12 cover, shenanigans.

Bidness

That's what I'm all about in this post:

Wednesday July 25th - 8pm at the Laugh Factory, $12 at the door and a 2-drink minimum. NO VENTRILOQUISTS

Thursday September 6th - 9:30pm at the Broadway Comedy Club, $5 at the door, and the possibility of ventriloquists. But for $5, don't you want to take that chance?!?!


I got the 7th and final Harry Potter book on Friday night as soon as it came out. To get in the spirit of the occassion, I decided to wear a costume. I was dressed as a 27-year old who was waiting impatiently for a book about teen wizards at 12:30am on a Friday night. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and was scared shitless.

"Did You Ever Know That You're My Heeeeeeerooooooo..."

http://www.nypost.com/seven/07172007/gossip/pagesix/pagesix.htm

After reading this article, I would like to buy Jon Lovitz a drink, a sports car, and maybe his own island.

Anything you want, Lovitz.

Oh Really?

"I'm a lot more like Lorena Bobbitt than Hillary. If he does something like that, I'm walking away with one thing, and it's not alimony, trust me."

That is a quote from Wendy Vitter, wife of Louisiana Senator David Vitter. Mrs. Vitter uttered these immortal words back in 2000 when asked what she would do if her husband ever strayed from the marital fold like his predecessor Former House Speaker Bob Livingston.

And now, in an ironic turn of events that can only be described as hilarious, her husband has confessed to soliciting services from DC Madam Deborah Jane Palfrey and her employees.

Leaving us all to recline comfortably atop our suddenly very high horses and say, "As you were saying, Mrs. Vitter?"

I'm No Hippie -

But I am excited about the Live Earth concert tomorrow. Check out some of the line-ups in the different cities!! London has Spinal Tap, and I'm very jealous. What I wouldn't give to see them perform "Sex Farm" live.

London also has Genesis; though to keep my street cred intact, I will state here that I couldn't care less about seeing them live. Even though...they seem to have...an invisible touch, yeah...

Howdy Y'All

Someone posed this question to me the other day: Should all American women own a cowboy hat? Well I don't know, but personally I could use a few more stocking caps and bib overalls. Bib overalls splattered with paint, of course.

It's been a while since I've blogged, but I've been busy turning 27 and tooling around NYC with my Mom and my sister. We saw the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, a show on Broadway, and lots of idiots. My Mom doesn't care for idiots, so Times Square was a real struggle for her.

Hey, Matty B! Are you still reading this blog? I call BS.

Happy early Fourth of July!! Looks like it'll be a good day for America if Kobayashi can't compete in the Hot Dog Contest at Coney Island. Come on, USA! Show the rest of the world how we almost choke to death while shoving insane amounts of food into our mouths every day. Ain't no thang.