Comedian Erin Conroy: September 2009

Comedian Erin Conroy

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Light A Candle

So tomorrow I'm going under the knife. Or, more accurately - the drill. I'm having my wisdom teeth removed! Hooray!! Stop being so jealous of my extra-curricular activities.

In preparation for this delightful event, I have filled the 4 prescriptions the doctor gave me (4!!!), and bought as many mushy foods as I could find within a 2-block radius of my apartment. My laziness will undoubtedly come back to bite me in the ass as I enjoy my third meal of applesauce and tomato soup.

Because I'm being knocked out for the extraction, I had to promise to have a friend who would be able to come get me at the doctor's office and take me home. This policy is to ensure the safe travels of the patients - in theory. Though I'm sure it has more to do with a desire to not have a waiting room full of half-drugged patients coming out of the haze and demanding to know where their childhood pet is or insisting that they can fly.

My dear friend Dani will be picking me up and escorting me home tomorrow, and I will try to be extra crazy to make it worth her while. I'll be filling my pockets with confetti and silly string and memorizing all of Michael Douglas' lines from "Falling Down".

Thursday, September 24, 2009


3 words: Lost. Boys. Three.:

“When veteran vampire hunter Edgar Frog [Corey Feldman] finds himself destitute and almost friendless, he thinks his life has hit bottom - but wealthy vampire-romance novelist Gwen Liebling offers him a small fortune to go on the vampire hunt of a lifetime and rescue her son Peter from the Alpha Vampire D.J. Dusk. With the help of his friends Zoe, Lars and Blake, Edgar heads into a bloody battle to exterminate evil.” [via Bloody-Disgusting]

Ahahahaha. Yessssss.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Don't Sugarcoat It

Listen - I think pandas are as adorable as the next gal. But that didn't stop me from being tickled pink by an article I read today that had the following quote from a naturalist - a naturalist mind you!:

"Here's a species that, of its own accord, has gone down an evolutionary cul-de-sac...I reckon we should pull the plug. Let them go, with a degree of dignity ..."

Ahahahaha. Let's all pull the plug on pandas. Just like that - millions of poster campaigns and interminable TV spots will be for naught. I'm all for quitting on a species and spending our hard-earned jars of change elsewhere, but I'd give up on koalas before pandas. Are koalas even endangered? They should be. They're all riddled with chlamydia, the skanks. And we wonder why all our teen girls are getting pregnant?

Hmmm? No, it's directly related.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

And Now With Her Intelligent Response, Erin

So Obama just finished his address on healthcare, and the wrap-up and analysis has begun. My Mom called to ask me this very relevant question: What is it about George Stephanopoulos that bothers her so much?

I told her that it's probably because he looks like a would-be rapist. The kind of rapist who follows you out of the coffee shop, and down the street, and when you turn around to let him pass he says something like "How weird - you must be going to the library too!", but you know better. Nice haircut, jerk.