Maybe There's Hope After All...

Anyone who knows me knows that bears are my mortal enemy. I've come to terms with the fact that my death will be at the paws of some monstrous bear - be it at the zoo, while hiking, or at a Chicago football game.

As a result, I don't care for bears. I think they're jerks just biding their time, and I watch that YouTube video of the bear falling on the trampoline often. And I laugh.

If you know me really well, you'll also know that WWII is my favorite war right now. I've read no less than 25 books on different aspects of the War in the past 2 years, and watched any movie/documentary I can find.

So imagine my surprise when I came across this little factual gem. There was a bear named Voytek trained to fight with the Polish during WWII. He hated nazis and enjoyed beer, just like me.

Coincidence? Or a sign that it's time to put aside years of nightmares and give bears another chance?

It's Things Like This That Help Restore My Faith In Humanity

The fact that someone took the time to add this elaborate graffiti to an otherwise boring crumbling wall, makes me ever so happy. God Bless you, American Hero. Wherever you are.

Didn't I vow to blog a lot more often? Didn't I vow that fairly recently? Well, I hope you've all learned your lesson by now - I am not to be trusted. I'd just as soon steal your wallet as look at ya, and I'd probably buy really asinine things with your money. Like 5 different used copies of "Perfection". And then I'd put all the pieces in, and set the timers on all 5 "Perfections" at once, and then I'd laugh and laugh when the timer went off and all the pieces went everywhere. Then I'd have a sandwich.

I'm on a week-long vacation starting tomorrow morning. Thank. Jebus. I will try and blog while down there - but no promises. My Mom's computer is interminably slow, and she's completely at a loss as to why. "Maybe it's the Solitaire game. Maybe the Solitaire game is using up all the memory. I knew I should have stuck to regular playing cards."

I'll try and get myself into some kind of trouble while down in Florida so I have exciting stories to report upon my return. In the meantime - seriously. Watch "The Wire".

Love you bye.

Meditations on a Sci-Fi Original Channel Movie

This weekend, the Sci-Fi Channel aired one of its most precious gems of original programming: The movie "Kaw!" It's...awesome.

My friend Ryan was watching it for the first time on Sunday, and the following text message exchange occured:

Ryan: Are you watching "Kaw!" the sci fi movie about attacking crows? We are.

Me: It's one of my favorites. Those crows aren't messing around.

(Later)

Ryan: So Mennonites are sending ravens not crows RAVENS to attack modern people for being uh modern

Me: Duh. I think Dickens wrote basically the same story in "Great Expectations".

(Even later)

Ryan: Mad crows! Now mad crows I mean ravens?

Me: It's science. You can look that shit up.

Still not convinced you should watch it? Please do enjoy the following movie poster (I know, why bother?), then I defy you not to DVR the next showing:

Don't Encourage Him

Everyone with a talk show, or a radio show or a dog show - STOP inviting Rod "Hairpiece" Blagojevich on to plead his case. Please just stop. This man is being rewarded for being corrupt - it's NOT OK. He's getting all these phone calls and PR offers and there is even talk of a possible book deal. I can't believe this shit - I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. The man is a disgrace to American politics and just an all-around scumbag. Go ahead - look at a picture of him for 5 minutes and see if you don't want tp take a shower afterwards. So please stop turning him into a celebrity. He's a bad man - not someone you want to speak to.

Start talking to the guy who shills for the "ShamWow". I bet he's got stories.