Comedian Erin Conroy: October 2006

Comedian Erin Conroy

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Happy Halloween!

Ah, Pagan holidays. Are there any better kind of holidays? No, they're aren't.

I'm dressed up today as someone who has a 9-5 job. It was a tough costume to put together, but I didn't want to go to work dressed like a hobo, like I do the other 364 days of the year.

Today is my friend Victor's birthday!!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! He loves Halloween, and good beer and his friends. He's my most favorite Cuban ever, and a really good sport, considering the fact that he can't have one night out with his college friends without someone asking him what it was like to come to America on a raft. I love you Victor!!!!

Looking to set up a bunch of shows for the near future. Doing mostly open mics right now, so when a really exciting show with elephants and fire-breathers and Carrot Top comes along-I'll let everyone know.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

I Wonder...

Do you think Corey Feldman and Sean Astin are friends? I mean, good enough friends to want to talk to each other on the phone and maybe even go to a Saturday matinee together? They were in Goonies together, and that movie looked like it was a party from start to finish. Why wouldn't you want to hang out with people like Sloth and Chunk for the rest of your life?

I submit for consideration that the Chicken Dance and the Macarena and the Hokey Pokey, and all other lame dances performed in droves by wedding guests and drunk bitches; from now on all be replaced with the Truffle Shuffle.

Get on board, people-I'm making things happen.

Monday, October 23, 2006

The Berenstein Bears and My Imminent Death

So I've been having a lot of dreams about bears lately. All different kinds of bears, and in all different kinds of situations. The one common thread? I'm always getting mauled to death by said bears.

This is either because I've watched the documentary "Grizzly Man" too many times, or because I have recently become clairvoyant, and have the ability to see my own death. Just like the cyclops in the movie "Krull". Yeah, I pulled that reference out.

This weekend, when I wasn't dreaming about bear-related horrors; I was out getting tanked. My friend Mikey was in town, and we all went out Saturday night and again on Sunday. I'm still drunk.

I feel bad for the Mets.

I can't stop fantasizing about scrapping everything in my life right now, and moving to the middle of nowhere and working in a diner. Seriously-some tiny town with a population of 1,000, where people name their guns and the mayor is also the police chief and also the kindergarten teacher. Why this is so appealing to me lately is a mystery.

Maybe it's because I think the bears will have a more difficult time finding me in the Bible belt.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Where Can I Get My Hands On Bonkers Candy?

Back from Florida, and delighted to see that the weather in New York is as damp and dreary as when I left. It makes the return to work that much less enjoyable.

Had a blast with my Mom and sister down South; drank alcohol, went to the beach, made lewd gestures at the elderly. You know, standard stuff.

Swamped at work, so no time to really update now. But I would like to send a very belated THANK YOU to all the people who came to my show at the NY Improv the Friday before I left. My set went well, and so far the reaction has been netter than expected. I will keep you posted. So thanks to Chris, Janelle and Krassi. Especially for bring an extra 8 people I hadn't anticipated. I love you all. Sexually.

If you have Showtime, watch the new show "Dexter". It's great.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Brendan Shanahan Rocks My World

In the NY Rangers season opener last night, Brendan Shanahan scored his 600th career goal. It was one of 2 he would score of the Rangers 5 goals, compared to the Capitals' 2. I'll wait while you do the math....


Yes. You got it! The Rangers have started the season with a win!!!!

The funny thing is that I was never a fan of the Red Wings. So, by extension, I was never a fan of Brendan Shanahan. But after seeing him kick a lot of Capital ass last night, I gotta tell ya-he has made a believer out of me. Shanahan in '08!

I know what some of you are thinking: how could I root against the Capitals? My old hometown team? Am I that quick to dismiss my old loyalties??

No, you idiot. I love DC, but I've NEVER liked the Capitals. I mean, I'd rather see them do well than say, the Devils (HATE the Devils)-but the Rangers are my team. I've been following them for almost 12 years now, and even when they stink up the joint I remain loyal.

So I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high for the coming season, but I can't help it. Wooo! We won one! This year's gonna be different! This year is the year we're gonna advance past Round 1 of the playoffs, and make it all the way to the Cup Finals! This is our year!!! For serious!!!!!!!

(Check back in 2 months, see how many exclamation points I'm still using.)

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Serious Ugly

So Lost is back. And they've jumped riiiight in to confusing the hell out of me. I love you, Lost, I really do. But you have got to give me a little more here. I feel like I'm doing all the work, and you just don't seem to care about making me happy anymore. You're so guarded and complex, and all I wanna do is understand you. If we're going to make this relationship work, you're gonna have to let me in and tell me some of your secrets. I don't need to know everything-not yet-but you could at least tell me where Locke and Eko are, and what the story with the 4-toed statue is, and where in the hell Walt got his special powers. That, and I'd like to meet your parents. Don't you think it's time?

I love you, Baby.

I will be flying down to Florida this weekend with my sister to go see my Mom for her birthday. We get drunk, watch movies, reminisce, and occasionally moon old folks from the condo balcony. You're jealous, I know. I have decided I will attempt to write an extremely jumbled and incoherent blog entry while I'm there, because there's nothing funnier than reading a drunk's musings. I know this to be a fact, because I tend to try and write jokes whenever I am in a state of inebriation. The next day, I have the distinct pleasure of trying to decipher my handwriting, and figure out what cryptic subjects like, "Gushers vs. Fruit Roll-Ups: The Battle for Fruit Snack Domination and the War in Iraq" and "That bitch is so proud of her recycling techniques...what a whore!" could possibly translate to onstage.

Show! Show of Comedy! Tomorrow night at the NY Improv, which is at 318 W. 53rd Street. Showtime is at 7pm, and good-timery is all but guaranteed.

Halloween is a-comin', and I am at a loss as far as costumes are concerned. One can only dress up as a Catholic school girl so many years in a row before getting raped. And to be fair-when you're dressed like that, you're pretty much asking for it. Any suggestions?

Monday, October 02, 2006


Is there anything funnier than having a heart-to-heart conversation with someone, and sharing your deep emotions and sincere thoughts, only to have them ask you if you are on drugs? No, there's not.

Flavor Flav has narrowed his field of trashy bitches down to 2. And I gotta be honest-I have no idea how this is gonna play out. But I am riveted.

Went out with my friend Cara and a couple of her peeps on Friday night. At one point, a girls basketball team from some university came in and a couple of the girls decided to be fast friends with us. I was tipsy, so I kept asking obnoxious questions regarding their height and all things tall. They were drunk, so they didn't notice. Not even when I started calling the one girl Skee-Lo. (Obscure 90s rap song reference. Enjoy)

My show this Friday has been moved from the NY Comedy Club to the NY Improv. All other details remain the same. Come on out for some free comedy and also hot dogs. Because they sell hot dogs there.

Back to work.