HPV Is The New Black

Ahahahaha. I said that last week, and it's still making me laugh.

Hey, Claire Danes! Nice GAP commercial. Didn't you used to be in movies?? Point : Mary-Louise Parker.

You know what's annoying? Those stupid quizzes that are sent around to your e-mail or posted on your MySpace or wherever. No one really wants to know what the first song you listened to this morning was, or whether you prefer red or white wine. These details are inconsequential and stupid. I want to get to know the REAL you.

So fill out my quiz. Immediately:

1.) What is the capital of Oregon? (Don't look it up, cheater)

2.) If you could be any character from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine; who would it be, and how many times a day do you sob uncontrollably?

3.) What was the last present you gave to someone that you immediately wanted to take back, because you realized you didn't care for them at all, great-grandfather or not?

4.) How many fingers am I holding up?

5.) Ocelots or Okapis?

6.) Did you cry when Captain America died? I'll know if you're lying.

7.) Do you think I'll ever make First Chair in the London Philharmonic?

8.) Not even if I practice every day?

9.) Where were you when you found out Josh Ryan Evans died?

10.) What were you wearing?

11.) Do you find "Grey's Anatomy" contrived, or just gay?

12.) Do you have the time?

13.) Are you gonna eat that?

"Everyone thinks the Irish are a bunch of alcoholics and brawlers. And that just makes you want to get drunk and punch somebody in the face."

That is my new favorite quote. It's from the TV show "The Black Donnellys". Don't go looking for it-it'll probably be cancelled by the time I post this entry.

Speaking of posting entries: I haven't been. But I am again now. So stop hating.

How was your Paddy's Day? Mine was good too, thanks. I got a lil tipsy, and ended the night by yelling at a convenience store cashier because I couldn't find any fruit pies. It was later explained to me that the "convenience store cashier" was in fact a mailbox.

Shows:
Wednesday April 4th at StandUp NY
Friday April 27th at the Broadway Comedy Club

Dude, I have been checking out some open mics here in NYC. Wow. It's a total crapshoot. You could get a really great crowd and cool comics and decent stage time; or you could be in a basement somewhere, with 5 other comics, and a guy who won't get off stage even after being lit 6 times, having the house lights flicked on and off, and finally having the host walk right up to him and say in his face, "Man, you're done!!!!!!!" Awesome.

That was a sarcastic awesome. Want to know what's really awesome? Vegas. Who wants to go for a long weekend?

(Not kidding)

RIP

Richard Jeni. I was never the biggest fan, but I thought he was a funny guy. And it's always sad to see a comic go, especially in such a tragic way.

Doesn't seem right to blog about anything else, considering. So tune in next time, and I'll tell you about my harrowing trip to Bellevue Hospital.

What I Learned About Myself This Past Vacation...

...Player Pianos make me extremely uncomfortable.

More later.