Comedian Erin Conroy: October 2007

Comedian Erin Conroy

Friday, October 26, 2007


* The new ABC show "Pushing Daisies" is fantastic.

* I have joined Facebook. Befriend me - because I have absolutely no idea what it's for.

* Apple cider is the nectar of the Gods. I'll fight anyone who says different.

* The Rangers won last night. But don't jinx it.

* Whenever I do a blog entry with "factoids" or bullet points of any kind, it's because I can't think of anything worth writing about. Or anything funny. Or any kind of delicious recipe for a casserole. Face it, I've failed you all.

* Last Friday in Gauhati, India, some rogue elephants got drunk on rice beer and then electrocuted themselves when they uprooted power lines. Man...If I had a dollar for every time that happened to me...

* I have 2 shows coming up - November 29th at the Broadway Comedy Club and November 30th at Stand Up NY (hint hint DAVE). I will post more details later.

* entry....ever

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Crate and Barrels o' Violence

Are you an avid reader of this blog? Been with me since the beginning? Or are you at least remotely aware of things I find interesting and/or entertaining?

Then you will remember my fascination with a movie called "Battle Royale" that I stumbled upon around Christmas 2004. Well, I didn't stumble upon it so much as my friend Benny insisted I watch it. Anyway - the movie is about Japanese kids exiled to a remote island where they are forced to fight to the death. I know, right? What's not entertaining about that?

So the other night I had a strange, "Battle Royale" themed dream. Same concept - a bunch of people taken to a specific locale and told to kill each other until there was only one person left standing. Except this time it wasn't a class of Japanese students, so much as it was a mixed bag of family, friends and various co-workers I've known throughout the years. The location was a small deserted New England town surrounded by deep forest on all sides. And it was the middle of winter. And there were big, run down department and specialty stores that you could try and break into in order to stay warm - I think I spent a good 45% of my dream running willy-nilly through some sort of Burlington Coat Factory or Linens and Things. And one detail of the dream that stands out more than others is that I had this nagging feeling that of everyone I had to face in this death-battle, my friend Victor was going to be the one to kill me. What's up with that, Victor?!?! I even asked you not to kill me in the dream, and you were like, "Meh....". Total dick move, man.

And no, I don't remember if I survived or not. I know I woke up at some point to get a glass of water, and when I fell back asleep, I dreamt I was on that old TV game show "Studs". Remember that show? If not, count yourself lucky.

My show tomorrow night at The Village Lantern (167 Bleecker Street) begins at 7pm. The show I'm doing on November 29th at the Broadway Comedy Club starts at 9:30pm. Why don't you come check out some free/cheap comedy? (Respectively)

Thursday, October 11, 2007


So a couple of friends and I went to a Haunted House in the Lower East Side on Sunday night. 24 terror-themed rooms, and then a maze you have to go through to get outside again. There were rooms full of bloody dolls, and shuffling mummies, and of course every other corner someone dressed in black jumped out at you.

But the scariest part of the Haunted House was how unprofessional everyone who worked there was. When we first walked in, there was a guy dressed like an evil clown following us around. Now, I have severe Bozophobia, so at first I was a little unnerved. However, it's hard to be scared of a guy dressed like a killer clown when he keeps talking to you about where he went to college and discussing various tattoos he has. And then when we were actually walking through the house itself, one of the actors got up in my friend Karen's face. Allegedly Karen pushed her, and then she lost her ever-lovin' mind. It's funny in an absurd kind of way to see someone dressed as a Victorian-era ghost-woman start screeching in a Bronx accent, waving her arms and snapping her fingers. Needless to say - it ruined the whole atmosphere.

On to more important news: The # 3 album on the Billboard Hip-Hop charts last week (today it dropped to # 7) is called "Baby Makin' Project".

I'll be at the Village Lantern next Thursday October 18th. And then November 29th I'll be at the Broadway Comedy Club. I should probably get some showtimes.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Because Katy Is The Boss Of Me

That's why this posting even exists. I sent her my usual rambling e-mails today, and at one point there was talk of midgets. Which was the inspiration for the following short story I sent her:

I wish midgets really did love being shot out of cannons. And that they did it often, and with smiles on their tiny faces. What a spectacle it would be! I would sit on the grounds on a crisp autumn day, with a travel mug of hot cider, and wait for them to load Mr. Pickles into the cannon. I would stare in awe as the fuse was lit, and then gasp as he rocketed into the heavens, soaring above me like a gnarled little man-bird. Oh, Mr. Pickles!! How glorious! How grand! How sorry I feel for your wife and children, but you were born an entertainer, and your farewell flight was written in the stars! When they drag your smoking corpse out of the lake, I will remove my giant foam finger and bow my head. For you, sir - gave us the greatest gift of all: the gift of an airborne midget. And for that, you will live on always. Thank you, Mr. Pickles.

Let the record show that "Mr. Pickles" is a name Patton Oswalt used for a midget he talked about in his act when I saw him a few years back at the DC Improv. It tickled me, so I like to name my imaginary midgets in kind. But the rest of the story is Grade A 100 % Conroy nonsense. MmmmHmmm. Chunky.

I will write tomorrow. I will write about a Haunted House. That's'll be back.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

I Don't Really Care That You Don't Care

Because hockey season is back, you bastards - and I will blog about it whenever I please. Rangers play their first game tonight, Sabres tomorrow night. I'm the hap-happiest girl in the world!

What's that? You like sports, but you don't really follow hockey? Well guess what, Turkey? I have an article for you. This Dude breaks down the upcoming season, comparing the major players and teams of the NHL, to any number of more recognizable sports peoples. That way, you can better understand who is who and what's going on. And now you can't make any lame "But I don't know what's going on" excuses next time I say we should watch the game.

Now if I could only get you to cook a decent meal every now and then.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

I Feel Like I've Been Mauled By Jesus

So did I tell you I went to Boston? Because I totally did. And it was awesome.

I've always loved Boston, but haven't been back to visit in over 6 years. Disgraceful! So my friend Chris and I took the Chinatown bus up and back a couple weekends ago, and it turns out I still love Boston. If anything that love has matured into something substantial and deep, and I now truly appreciate everything Boston is and was, and am finally ready to introduce my parents to the city.

The weekend was also an opportunity to hang out with friends I haven't seen in a while. Which means I got drunk. Although I think with me, lots of things are code for me having gotten drunk. For example:

"There was a new Sci-Fi Channel movie on Wednesday night" = I got drunk.

"I woke up on Sunday morning and it was raining" = I got drunk.
"So, you think the Berenstein Bears just found those clothes somewhere in the forest, or do you think they killed a whole family who was camping and then stole their clothes?" = I'm drunk right now.

But anyhoo - I had a blast. I've done the sights and sounds of Boston a few times before, so I was only interested in hanging out with my friends. I spent some quality time in Southie with Victor and Townley, and decided that when I move to Boston I will (obviously) be living in that neighborhood. And thanks to Matty for driving me around Southie so I could take "Good Will Hunting"-related pictures that were totally for my sister and not for me. Emily - do you even read this blog? If you do, it was awesome to see you too!!!

So it's October now. Halloween is on it's way, and I've been remembering what a huge holiday it used to be when I was a kid. I would think about a costume for months in advance, only to end up being a gypsy or a hippie every year because there was no shortage of vests or long flowery skirts in my Mom's closet, and why should we buy a costume when she could put a perfectly good one together herself, thank you very much. And there were always great Halloween specials on TV for a couple weeks leading up to the night. I mean, "The Worst Witch" and "The Halloween That Almost Wasn't" are probably two of the worst-therefore-best hokey holiday specials ever made. Horrible special effects, retarculous acting, and in the case of the former - Tim Curry starring in a music video.

It's a shame these masterpieces aren't shown on TV for Halloween anymore. Kids today are really missing out. In fact - I feel worse for myself, because I would like to watch both of these movies right now. And also that Raggedy Ann and Andy Halloween special....I think there was a pumpkin that cried seeds in that one. And there was another one about witches that was really crudely animated. eBay...